sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
