I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
