mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
