it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
