Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
