So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
