Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
