There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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