well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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