Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
