I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
