I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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