wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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