I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
