now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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