Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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