I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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