How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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