YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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