I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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