I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize