physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
