i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
