# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
