The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize