Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
