: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
