someone threw a dead crab at me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
