do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
