I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
