I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
