You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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