She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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