I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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