I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think your dad took our porno
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
