help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Couch. On fire.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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