"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
