I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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