I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
