They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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