I wanna bring you to show and tell
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
