Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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