Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This house was built for laser tag.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
