just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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