So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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