You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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