Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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