God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
