Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
