U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
