i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize