I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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