All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
