She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
