Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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