What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
