maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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