Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..

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(303): View more from Colorado

Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

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(705): View more from Ontario

And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.

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(513): View more from Ohio

This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads

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(702): View more from Nevada

you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

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(443): View more from Maryland

My parents are being so annoying about my colon.

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