I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
