Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
