That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
