My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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