Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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