Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
