You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
