Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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