Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
