Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this beer tastes like vomit already
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize