I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
